He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
