At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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