I just found puke in my bra..
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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