you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need to sanitize my soul.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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