Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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