My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
