i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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