I need help removing her.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
