i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
