You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So apparently I’m into choking now
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