There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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