I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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