new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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