her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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