Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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