Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize