She tied me up with her honor cords...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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