Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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