You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
