Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
only you would photoshop your dick
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The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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