its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
