I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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