Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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