Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
