you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
