There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
