She said her name was "party"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
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And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
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I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole