We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
