Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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