seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
