After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's the barista slut.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
