Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My ass is underappreciated
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
