go do what you do best...puke behind churches
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
