ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
