on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
