in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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