Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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