You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
