we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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