I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
