u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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