When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
