gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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