Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
