and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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