Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize