I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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