i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
