my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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