Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
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you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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