SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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