So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
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your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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