Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
