Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
do herpes really smell.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
