When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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