Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
