Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
