Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
