You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize