Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
