In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
