M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
