I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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