I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
