Where is the hickey?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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