i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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