no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize