2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
