I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
