I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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