I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
