all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
