Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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