I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
