Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
