And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
